Day 30:
Wow! I have seen a remarkable change in my mom today! She has gone on three walks, sat in the chair for 6 hours, and is down to 3-4 liters of oxygen! She has this determined look on her face that I haven't seen in a long time. I am so proud of her! She is getting better. Dr. Kempe said that she can go home tomorrow or Sunday! Wow, this 31 day hospital stay is enough for me! It will be the best birthday present I could ever receive! She is such an inspiration to me. She came to this huge hurdle in life and has overcome and is doing better than anyone thought she would be doing. She is going to be going to my Poppy's for a week or two before she comes home. I plan on being there as much as I can, but I need to clean the house! I got to pick up Mikhail's parents (Pam and Rick) up from the airport yesterday! They are such wonderful people and such great prayer warriors. While they were vacationing in Italy, the were texting me and praying for my mom! All in all today has been a great day! My mouth is a little sore from the root canal yesterday, but feels better now that they have lanced my abscess. The antibiotics they put me on are huge! They are almost as big as mom's potassium pills! My asthma has been acting up because of the weather, but I'm pretty sure everyones has been with the two weeks of rain and flooding we have here. I found my blanket in my trunk today! So I am a very happy girl! I love little surprises! Oh, I'm going to miss having an endless supply of the second best ice around... Sonics is still number one but Hillcrest has some pretty awesome ice too!
Friday, May 29, 2015
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Grateful
Day 28:
Today as I was getting on the elevator I saw a woman crying. She proceeded to explain to me that her husband had just been taken off life support today and her son had a stroke yesterday. I can't stop thinking about her. I wish I had more words of wisdom to give, but all I could muster was I am so sorry and I will keep you in my prayers. I wanted to cry with her and tell her everything would be alright, but deep down I knew that was the last thing she wanted to hear... That is the last thing I wanted to hear and my mom is still alive! I wanted to validate her feelings because everything she was feeling was normal. I would be a complete basket-case if my husband had died and my son had a stroke all within a 24 hour period. I am so grateful that my mom is still here and she is getting better every day. They mentioned today her going to a physical therapy place and staying there until she gets her strength back, but we won't know for a few more days. She is still having a lot of trouble breathing and is feeling dizzy and nauseous most of the day. She has been so patient and is so ready to be out of the hospital! Heck, I am able to leave the hospital and I'm ready to be out of here! Dr. Kempe said probably a few more days. Aunt Joyce was able to postpone going back to work until tomorrow, so she has been here with us the whole time. I am so thankful for her. She has gone above and beyond the call of a best friend. She is a saint!
Today as I was getting on the elevator I saw a woman crying. She proceeded to explain to me that her husband had just been taken off life support today and her son had a stroke yesterday. I can't stop thinking about her. I wish I had more words of wisdom to give, but all I could muster was I am so sorry and I will keep you in my prayers. I wanted to cry with her and tell her everything would be alright, but deep down I knew that was the last thing she wanted to hear... That is the last thing I wanted to hear and my mom is still alive! I wanted to validate her feelings because everything she was feeling was normal. I would be a complete basket-case if my husband had died and my son had a stroke all within a 24 hour period. I am so grateful that my mom is still here and she is getting better every day. They mentioned today her going to a physical therapy place and staying there until she gets her strength back, but we won't know for a few more days. She is still having a lot of trouble breathing and is feeling dizzy and nauseous most of the day. She has been so patient and is so ready to be out of the hospital! Heck, I am able to leave the hospital and I'm ready to be out of here! Dr. Kempe said probably a few more days. Aunt Joyce was able to postpone going back to work until tomorrow, so she has been here with us the whole time. I am so thankful for her. She has gone above and beyond the call of a best friend. She is a saint!
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Luckiest Girl In The World
Day 20:
Today I got to see my mom! It was the best feeling I've ever had. Just seeing her and knowing that she was okay put my mind to instant ease. I have been going crazy at Aunt J's house while I've been on lock down mode from bronchitis and she's been able to go up there! I am so jealous! I am pretty positive I had the biggest smile on my face for at least the first hour I was there. My mom was moved back to a non-icu floor! Holy cow! Last Friday, I never thought we would be here. To be honest, I wasn't even sure she would be here. (That is something this mommy's girl would never admit) She was struggling. Struggling is probably not even a scary enough word to what she was experiencing. They have now figured everything out and are doing everything in their power to give her the best care possible! Dr. Kempe even mentioned her possibly going home on Friday! She had such a sweet nurse today. I could tell she had been taking good care of my mom. We watched Dr. Phil as they took my moms central line out and put in the port. That was pretty graphic, and I probably should have listened to the nurse to leave when she was doing it, or at the very least turn my head. I'm not usually squeamish but holy cow!
I am right where I need to be. For the first time in my life I feel like I am doing more than surviving my life... I'm living it! And loving it! I am exactly where God wants me to be and I am learning to trust that. I am learning so much. Holy cow, therapy today was a blur. I found myself doing something I have never done before... Listening! I've always gone through the motions of listening, but I don't think I've ever really listened to someone without constantly thinking of my reply. For the first time in my life it wasn't about me. It was so refreshing! I was able to convey exactly how I felt, things that I have been dealing with, and things I have been avoiding with ease. I won't say that I am magically cured or completely better, but its so wonderful to not be the center of my world. I can now see other people for what and who they are. I feel like this has shed a whole new light on things. I am so excited for what lies ahead of me.
Also, how long is this cough going to last?
Today I got to see my mom! It was the best feeling I've ever had. Just seeing her and knowing that she was okay put my mind to instant ease. I have been going crazy at Aunt J's house while I've been on lock down mode from bronchitis and she's been able to go up there! I am so jealous! I am pretty positive I had the biggest smile on my face for at least the first hour I was there. My mom was moved back to a non-icu floor! Holy cow! Last Friday, I never thought we would be here. To be honest, I wasn't even sure she would be here. (That is something this mommy's girl would never admit) She was struggling. Struggling is probably not even a scary enough word to what she was experiencing. They have now figured everything out and are doing everything in their power to give her the best care possible! Dr. Kempe even mentioned her possibly going home on Friday! She had such a sweet nurse today. I could tell she had been taking good care of my mom. We watched Dr. Phil as they took my moms central line out and put in the port. That was pretty graphic, and I probably should have listened to the nurse to leave when she was doing it, or at the very least turn my head. I'm not usually squeamish but holy cow!
I am right where I need to be. For the first time in my life I feel like I am doing more than surviving my life... I'm living it! And loving it! I am exactly where God wants me to be and I am learning to trust that. I am learning so much. Holy cow, therapy today was a blur. I found myself doing something I have never done before... Listening! I've always gone through the motions of listening, but I don't think I've ever really listened to someone without constantly thinking of my reply. For the first time in my life it wasn't about me. It was so refreshing! I was able to convey exactly how I felt, things that I have been dealing with, and things I have been avoiding with ease. I won't say that I am magically cured or completely better, but its so wonderful to not be the center of my world. I can now see other people for what and who they are. I feel like this has shed a whole new light on things. I am so excited for what lies ahead of me.
Also, how long is this cough going to last?
Sunday, May 17, 2015
One Step Forward Two Steps Back
Day 18:
Aunt Joyce got a call this morning that Mommy wasn't doing very well. They transferred her back to ICU and put her back on the Bi-pap machine. She was having trouble breathing and keeping her SP02 levels up. After a little while on the Bi-pap she was able to come off and is now back on oxygen! This is the best news I've heard today! Aunt Joyce said that when she left mommy was up and eating with her oxygen in a chair! I am so excited. Thank God for Aunt J. She has been taking care of my mom and me. She is a saint! I am so thankful that she has been my moms best friend for the past 30 years and counting! I don't know where we would be without her.
Aunt Joyce got a call this morning that Mommy wasn't doing very well. They transferred her back to ICU and put her back on the Bi-pap machine. She was having trouble breathing and keeping her SP02 levels up. After a little while on the Bi-pap she was able to come off and is now back on oxygen! This is the best news I've heard today! Aunt Joyce said that when she left mommy was up and eating with her oxygen in a chair! I am so excited. Thank God for Aunt J. She has been taking care of my mom and me. She is a saint! I am so thankful that she has been my moms best friend for the past 30 years and counting! I don't know where we would be without her.
Saturday, May 16, 2015
Vulnerable
Day 17:
I hate that word... It makes me feel so, well, exposed. This was exactly how I felt Wednesday night. Seeing my mom hooked up to a ventilator and not breathing on her own is one image I will never be able to erase from my memory. She had a rough night and a rough start to the day on Thursday. They kept her on a bi-pap machine to force her to breathe and were talking about having to put her back on the ventilator but she surprised everyone and held her own with 10 liters of oxygen. She's stubborn (I think that is where I might get it) I am so proud of her. They moved her to out of ICU on Friday night and she is now in a regular room at OHI. She is now down to 8 liters of oxygen and keeping her pulse ox over 95! She is still feeling very sick to her stomach and is in a lot of pain. They couldn't give her anything for pain until Friday because she was "too sedated" but they were finally able to give her something last night! I am so proud of my mom!
Today, I woke up and knew something was wrong. I went to urgent care and found out that I have bronchitis. I had a 102 degree fever, and the doctor told me I can't go back up to see Mommy until I am fever free for 48 hours and even then I have to wear a gown, mask, and gloves. I got a steroid shot and antibiotics, a steroid pack, and cough medicine. I don't want to risk getting her sick, but it kills me that I'm not able to be up there. I miss her so much. I guess all the people in my life that have been telling me to take care of myself were right. That is not something I like to admit! In order to care for my mom I am going to have to start taking care of myself. I am still staying with Aunt J and am basically locking myself in my cousins old room until I start to feel better.
I hate that word... It makes me feel so, well, exposed. This was exactly how I felt Wednesday night. Seeing my mom hooked up to a ventilator and not breathing on her own is one image I will never be able to erase from my memory. She had a rough night and a rough start to the day on Thursday. They kept her on a bi-pap machine to force her to breathe and were talking about having to put her back on the ventilator but she surprised everyone and held her own with 10 liters of oxygen. She's stubborn (I think that is where I might get it) I am so proud of her. They moved her to out of ICU on Friday night and she is now in a regular room at OHI. She is now down to 8 liters of oxygen and keeping her pulse ox over 95! She is still feeling very sick to her stomach and is in a lot of pain. They couldn't give her anything for pain until Friday because she was "too sedated" but they were finally able to give her something last night! I am so proud of my mom!
Today, I woke up and knew something was wrong. I went to urgent care and found out that I have bronchitis. I had a 102 degree fever, and the doctor told me I can't go back up to see Mommy until I am fever free for 48 hours and even then I have to wear a gown, mask, and gloves. I got a steroid shot and antibiotics, a steroid pack, and cough medicine. I don't want to risk getting her sick, but it kills me that I'm not able to be up there. I miss her so much. I guess all the people in my life that have been telling me to take care of myself were right. That is not something I like to admit! In order to care for my mom I am going to have to start taking care of myself. I am still staying with Aunt J and am basically locking myself in my cousins old room until I start to feel better.
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
It's Over!
Day 14:
Just spoke with Dr. Kempe (my mom's cardio-thoracic surgeon) and things went as well as could be expected! They have successfully accomplished all they hoped to accomplish in this surgery. They replaced her mitral valve and repaired her tricuspid valve. She is still on the ventilator and on heavy sedation. They will continue to keep her sedated while she is recovering. They are hoping to remove the ventilator in the next 6 to 8 hours, but this will be determined by my mom's progress. Most of the family that was up here during her surgery has gone home! Thank you to everyone that came up to show their love and support. Aunt J, Aunt Anna, Aunt Sandi, Aunt Dana, Aunt B, Poppy, Ma, Laurel, and especially Mikhail for keeping me sane and making me laugh today. I am so blessed to have you all in my life. I will try to keep you all updated! I still have the text list going, if you would like to be added please let me know!
Just spoke with Dr. Kempe (my mom's cardio-thoracic surgeon) and things went as well as could be expected! They have successfully accomplished all they hoped to accomplish in this surgery. They replaced her mitral valve and repaired her tricuspid valve. She is still on the ventilator and on heavy sedation. They will continue to keep her sedated while she is recovering. They are hoping to remove the ventilator in the next 6 to 8 hours, but this will be determined by my mom's progress. Most of the family that was up here during her surgery has gone home! Thank you to everyone that came up to show their love and support. Aunt J, Aunt Anna, Aunt Sandi, Aunt Dana, Aunt B, Poppy, Ma, Laurel, and especially Mikhail for keeping me sane and making me laugh today. I am so blessed to have you all in my life. I will try to keep you all updated! I still have the text list going, if you would like to be added please let me know!
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Tomorrow
Day 13:
When my mom was 12 she had rheumatic fever. She was in the hospital just over three months. She has mitral valve prolapse (stenosis and regurgitation) and a tricuspid valve issue. She has been under the watch of a cardiologist for the past 20 years and was told when she was in her mid-fifties she would need surgery. Well they hit the nail on the head as she is 55. But, we didn't realize how sick she truly has been. She started having severe trouble breathing on April 30. By 5:00 on May 1 we were rushed to the emergency room and admitted to the hospital. She was diagnosed with bronchitis, however, it has since been realized that it has been her heart causing her trouble breathing and she has no infection. Her symptoms have included: low blood pressure, dizzy spells, trouble breathing, chest pains, fluid around her lungs (not pneumonia or infection), coughing, wheezing, hypoxia, tachycardia, extreme fatigue, heart palpitations, and atrial fibrillation. During her surgery in the morning the goal is to replace her mitral valve with a mechanical valve and to repair her tricuspid valve. She will be placed on a bypass machine and have open heart surgery that is expected to happen at noon tomorrow and take anywhere from 3-8 hours to complete. The time is so broad because they do not know exactly what to expect. All of their tests have been none invasive, so while they have some idea of what is going on the true extent has yet to be realized. They have her on prophylactics and have been monitoring her closely for change and progress. Daily, sometimes hourly, x-rays, blood draws, needle pricks, and IV's have been part of every day life for the past 12 days. After this surgery and recovery process at the hospital is complete, my mom will be going to The Loft with Poppy and Ma. They have hired a part time nurse to help care for her while she is recovering. I am so thankful that they offered this. Keep in mind that this hospital stay will probably be 23-25 days long. I know she is tired of being here, and I don't blame her. I am not sure if it is hormones or just being a dramatic girl, but hell yes I am scared. Scared is probably an understatement. It was just last night that my mom and I sat in her room and cried together for about thirty minutes. I have had my moments today and I am sure I will have more in the days to follow. She is scared and seeing my mom (the all-powerful all-knowing mom) scared is just not something I am used to. She has always been my rock and my refuge and now it is time for me to step up to the plate. But I am terrified. I am placing a huge amount of faith in God and in this surgeons hands. He holds the life of the person that is the reason I am here in His hands. I don't know how I am going to handle seeing my mom on a ventilator and unable to speak. I don't know much about how long she will be away from me in the ICU. I feel like the weight of the world is on my two very weak shoulders and the only thing holding me up is faith and the support of a few key people. I have learned that not everyone you think will be there for you will. Friends that you thought were just acquaintances become family, and family members become strangers and blood means absolutely nothing. Mikhail and I are wonderful. He is still the rock that is holding me together. He and his family have been the greatest support system and I truly don't know where I would be without them. He has restored my faith in the male species and constantly surprises me about how much he cares. I am one lucky lady to call him mine! (Plus he's kinda cute and I'm kind of in love with him, so I think I'll keep him around). Honestly, right now it is hard to focus on me. I am struggling but talking through it. My therapist has helped tremendously. I truly believe that things will get easier when this surgery is over and my mom is out of ICU. I wish that I could wake up and it be Thursday and have my mom already be recovering and healthy. I am trying my hardest to keep calm and have been utilizing the coping skills I have learned the past few weeks. I know that we will be able to lean on each other during this hard time. Me- Sara (the daughter) Mom- Sheri (the strongest woman I know) Mikhail- my amazing boyfriend Poppy- Sheri's dad, my grandpa (he's pretty wonderful) Ma- Denise, my grandma (she's the glue in this family) Aunt J- Joyce, my mom's best friend and my hero Thank you to everyone that has called/texted/visited/prayed/encouraged/cried with me and for my mom. You all are wonderful and I am so blessed to have you in my life. We have really come together and I am so happy that she has so many people behind her.
When my mom was 12 she had rheumatic fever. She was in the hospital just over three months. She has mitral valve prolapse (stenosis and regurgitation) and a tricuspid valve issue. She has been under the watch of a cardiologist for the past 20 years and was told when she was in her mid-fifties she would need surgery. Well they hit the nail on the head as she is 55. But, we didn't realize how sick she truly has been. She started having severe trouble breathing on April 30. By 5:00 on May 1 we were rushed to the emergency room and admitted to the hospital. She was diagnosed with bronchitis, however, it has since been realized that it has been her heart causing her trouble breathing and she has no infection. Her symptoms have included: low blood pressure, dizzy spells, trouble breathing, chest pains, fluid around her lungs (not pneumonia or infection), coughing, wheezing, hypoxia, tachycardia, extreme fatigue, heart palpitations, and atrial fibrillation. During her surgery in the morning the goal is to replace her mitral valve with a mechanical valve and to repair her tricuspid valve. She will be placed on a bypass machine and have open heart surgery that is expected to happen at noon tomorrow and take anywhere from 3-8 hours to complete. The time is so broad because they do not know exactly what to expect. All of their tests have been none invasive, so while they have some idea of what is going on the true extent has yet to be realized. They have her on prophylactics and have been monitoring her closely for change and progress. Daily, sometimes hourly, x-rays, blood draws, needle pricks, and IV's have been part of every day life for the past 12 days. After this surgery and recovery process at the hospital is complete, my mom will be going to The Loft with Poppy and Ma. They have hired a part time nurse to help care for her while she is recovering. I am so thankful that they offered this. Keep in mind that this hospital stay will probably be 23-25 days long. I know she is tired of being here, and I don't blame her. I am not sure if it is hormones or just being a dramatic girl, but hell yes I am scared. Scared is probably an understatement. It was just last night that my mom and I sat in her room and cried together for about thirty minutes. I have had my moments today and I am sure I will have more in the days to follow. She is scared and seeing my mom (the all-powerful all-knowing mom) scared is just not something I am used to. She has always been my rock and my refuge and now it is time for me to step up to the plate. But I am terrified. I am placing a huge amount of faith in God and in this surgeons hands. He holds the life of the person that is the reason I am here in His hands. I don't know how I am going to handle seeing my mom on a ventilator and unable to speak. I don't know much about how long she will be away from me in the ICU. I feel like the weight of the world is on my two very weak shoulders and the only thing holding me up is faith and the support of a few key people. I have learned that not everyone you think will be there for you will. Friends that you thought were just acquaintances become family, and family members become strangers and blood means absolutely nothing. Mikhail and I are wonderful. He is still the rock that is holding me together. He and his family have been the greatest support system and I truly don't know where I would be without them. He has restored my faith in the male species and constantly surprises me about how much he cares. I am one lucky lady to call him mine! (Plus he's kinda cute and I'm kind of in love with him, so I think I'll keep him around). Honestly, right now it is hard to focus on me. I am struggling but talking through it. My therapist has helped tremendously. I truly believe that things will get easier when this surgery is over and my mom is out of ICU. I wish that I could wake up and it be Thursday and have my mom already be recovering and healthy. I am trying my hardest to keep calm and have been utilizing the coping skills I have learned the past few weeks. I know that we will be able to lean on each other during this hard time. Me- Sara (the daughter) Mom- Sheri (the strongest woman I know) Mikhail- my amazing boyfriend Poppy- Sheri's dad, my grandpa (he's pretty wonderful) Ma- Denise, my grandma (she's the glue in this family) Aunt J- Joyce, my mom's best friend and my hero Thank you to everyone that has called/texted/visited/prayed/encouraged/cried with me and for my mom. You all are wonderful and I am so blessed to have you in my life. We have really come together and I am so happy that she has so many people behind her.
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