Vulnerable

Day 17:
I hate that word... It makes me feel so, well, exposed. This was exactly how I felt Wednesday night. Seeing my mom hooked up to a ventilator and not breathing on her own is one image I will never be able to erase from my memory. She had a rough night and a rough start to the day on Thursday. They kept her on a bi-pap machine to force her to breathe and were talking about having to put her back on the ventilator but she surprised everyone and held her own with 10 liters of oxygen. She's stubborn (I think that is where I might get it) I am so proud of her. They moved her to out of ICU on Friday night and she is now in a regular room at OHI. She is now down to 8 liters of oxygen and keeping her pulse ox over 95! She is still feeling very sick to her stomach and is in a lot of pain. They couldn't give her anything for pain until Friday because she was "too sedated" but they were finally able to give her something last night! I am so proud of my mom!

Today, I woke up and knew something was wrong. I went to urgent care and found out that I have bronchitis. I had a 102 degree fever, and the doctor told me I can't go back up to see Mommy until I am fever free for 48 hours and even then I have to wear a gown, mask, and gloves. I got a steroid shot and antibiotics, a steroid pack, and cough medicine. I don't want to risk getting her sick, but it kills me that I'm not able to be up there. I miss her so much. I guess all the people in my life that have been telling me to take care of myself were right. That is not something I like to admit! In order to care for my mom I am going to have to start taking care of myself. I am still staying with Aunt J and am basically locking myself in my cousins old room until I start to feel better.