Tomorrow

Day 13:
When my mom was 12 she had rheumatic fever. She was in the hospital just over three months. She has mitral valve prolapse (stenosis and regurgitation) and a tricuspid valve issue. She has been under the watch of a cardiologist for the past 20 years and was told when she was in her mid-fifties she would need surgery. Well they hit the nail on the head as she is 55. But, we didn't realize how sick she truly has been. She started having severe trouble breathing on April 30. By 5:00 on May 1 we were rushed to the emergency room and admitted to the hospital. She was diagnosed with bronchitis, however, it has since been realized that it has been her heart causing her trouble breathing and she has no infection. Her symptoms have included: low blood pressure, dizzy spells, trouble breathing, chest pains, fluid around her lungs (not pneumonia or infection), coughing, wheezing, hypoxia, tachycardia, extreme fatigue, heart palpitations, and atrial fibrillation. During her surgery in the morning the goal is to replace her mitral valve with a mechanical valve and to repair her tricuspid valve. She will be placed on a bypass machine and have open heart surgery that is expected to happen at noon tomorrow and take anywhere from 3-8 hours to complete. The time is so broad because they do not know exactly what to expect. All of their tests have been none invasive, so while they have some idea of what is going on the true extent has yet to be realized. They have her on prophylactics and have been monitoring her closely for change and progress. Daily, sometimes hourly, x-rays, blood draws, needle pricks, and IV's have been part of every day life for the past 12 days. After this surgery and recovery process at the hospital is complete, my mom will be going to The Loft with Poppy and Ma. They have hired a part time nurse to help care for her while she is recovering. I am so thankful that they offered this. Keep in mind that this hospital stay will probably be 23-25 days long. I know she is tired of being here, and I don't blame her. I am not sure if it is hormones or just being a dramatic girl, but hell yes I am scared. Scared is probably an understatement. It was just last night that my mom and I sat in her room and cried together for about thirty minutes. I have had my moments today and I am sure I will have more in the days to follow. She is scared and seeing my mom (the all-powerful all-knowing mom) scared is just not something I am used to. She has always been my rock and my refuge and now it is time for me to step up to the plate. But I am terrified. I am placing a huge amount of faith in God and in this surgeons hands. He holds the life of the person that is the reason I am here in His hands. I don't know how I am going to handle seeing my mom on a ventilator and unable to speak. I don't know much about how long she will be away from me in the ICU. I feel like the weight of the world is on my two very weak shoulders and the only thing holding me up is faith and the support of a few key people. I have learned that not everyone you think will be there for you will. Friends that you thought were just acquaintances become family, and family members become strangers and blood means absolutely nothing. Mikhail and I are wonderful. He is still the rock that is holding me together. He and his family have been the greatest support system and I truly don't know where I would be without them. He has restored my faith in the male species and constantly surprises me about how much he cares. I am one lucky lady to call him mine! (Plus he's kinda cute and I'm kind of in love with him, so I think I'll keep him around). Honestly, right now it is hard to focus on me. I am struggling but talking through it. My therapist has helped tremendously. I truly believe that things will get easier when this surgery is over and my mom is out of ICU. I wish that I could wake up and it be Thursday and have my mom already be recovering and healthy. I am trying my hardest to keep calm and have been utilizing the coping skills I have learned the past few weeks. I know that we will be able to lean on each other during this hard time. Me- Sara (the daughter) Mom- Sheri (the strongest woman I know) Mikhail- my amazing boyfriend Poppy- Sheri's dad, my grandpa (he's pretty wonderful) Ma- Denise, my grandma (she's the glue in this family) Aunt J- Joyce, my mom's best friend and my hero Thank you to everyone that has called/texted/visited/prayed/encouraged/cried with me and for my mom. You all are wonderful and I am so blessed to have you in my life. We have really come together and I am so happy that she has so many people behind her.