Mommy, Mikhail and I went to Colton's 6th birthday party last night at the Clubhouse. It was a blast, minus the 115 heat index. It was great having so much family together! He is really into Pokemon so Kristen did an amazing job (as always) decorating and making it super fun for all the kiddos! She is so creative, sadly I missed out on that gene! I loved getting to see Jordan and Tara! I have missed them so much. It broke my heart when Jordan came to me and said "will you pick me up and hug me". They are doing so well!
Mom is doing well. She is still on 3L of oxygen but she has been able to get out a little bit. We even went to the eye doctor on Friday! Don't worry, I am still legally blind, but the eye doctor can get me to 20/25 so I will still be able to drive! Mom had gained too much weight in a very short amount of time (it was all water weight) so we made an unexpected trip to Oklahoma Heart Institute to get her medication changed. They did a chest x-ray and everything is looking much better! She is doing great in physical therapy. She has been able to walk the stairs and shower with just a little help! We finally got longer tubing for her oxygen so she can keep it on at all times!
Oh my gosh! Aunt Joyce is in town! I saw her and hugged her for approximately four hours. I have missed her. She truly is like a second mom to me. Its so weird, we can go two months with not seeing each other and all of us pick up right where we left off. She is an amazing friend to my sweet momma and a great Aunt to me!
Well today has been a rough one! Mikhail and I took Macy to the vet this afternoon because she had been coughing and sneezing and just seemed miserable... My biggest fears were confirmed; she has kennel cough. She was vaccinated against it but there are different strains of kennel cough (like the flu shot in humans) so she was a very unlucky puppy. The vet gave her liquid antibiotics and a cough pill. I am just hoping she doesn't spread it to Butter or either of Mickeys parents dogs. Bella has it as well.
Mikhail has been cooking every night! He has cooked every meal and has been trying to teach me to cook, too. I am so impressed with the food he comes up with! He can go into our kitchen and make something delicious with limited ingredients, and its ALL healthy and gluten free! We have had so much fun!
Oh, I checked the mail today and got a piece of mail from Saint Francis, I was expecting a huge bill and it was actually a small check! Things are great!
Saturday, July 18, 2015
Sunday, July 12, 2015
Quotes, Goals, and Some Jesus
Goals
1. My value does not decrease based upon someones inability to see my worth…
2. If it doesn't encourage or support me, inspire or engage me, develop and challenge me… get rid of it. Being unhappy is part of life; staying that way is a choice…
3. "There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." C.S. Lewis
4. Dear God, if today I lose my hope please remind me that your PLANS are bigger than my dreams…
5. Until God opens the next door, praise HIM in the hallway…
Being Thankful
These are the five most important lessons that I need to learn for my life. My God is bigger than any problem I could possibly face or any part of my past that continues to hurt me. I have so many wonderful things to be thankful for. I have my family that I know would do anything for me; they have continually proved this over and over agin. I have a man in my life that is probably the sweetest thing God ever created; he continually treats me like a princess and I love him dearly. I have so many doctors that are trying to help me get well. I have new friends and old friends that help keep me going when I think I have nothing left to give. I have my sweet, sweet Macy and Butter that cuddle me even more when they know that I'm not feeling well.
Goals For July
1. Make and Stick to a Budget. bahahaha. Okay, so we all know that Sara has tried to do a budget before… FAILED MISERABLY. There was no hiding it. Old Navy deciding that I needed a new wardrobe. That generous police officer that decided I needed to pay the City of Tulsa $711. Macy's pet insurance (which I assure you is absolutely necessary seeing as her medical bills match mine most months) was due to renew. Chipotle's obvious schemes used to get me specifically to eat there twice a week. So, this time I will try to make a budget that is completely easy to attend to and follow it. Or at least try my hardest.
2. Follow my Agenda. I specifically bought a new agenda thinking that it would motivate me to write appointments in and have a way to follow it… Living my life relying on my cell phone calendar is probably not the most responsible thing I could be doing. I am 26 it is time to pull up my big girl panties and do what I need to do.
3. Change my Last Name. Okay so this is something that I have been thinking about for the past 15 years. For personal reasons I will not discuss why this needs to be done, but I promise it does. I am changing it to my Mommy's last name. I have the papers to start the process… I just need to start filling out that paperwork and take it down to the courthouse to file. (YAY!). Oh, and don't get me started on the whole "well you'll be getting married soon why change it"… I will hurt you.
4. Be more proactive in my team. I have some very serious mental health issues and my team is the group of people that is trying to help me. This includes an Intensive Outpatient Group, Therapist, Psychiatrist, Mikhail, my Mom, and Me. I am supposed to be the leader of my team. I am slowly learning that I am not my illness, but it has been a daily struggle to even get out of bed some days. Some days the issues I am dealing with are too difficult to face. I am trying. I am doing the best I can with what I have. I need to take my medicine, I need to show up to therapy, and I need to talk and listen more.
5. Make Better Choices for My Life. I graduated college almost 2 years ago… I'm sure the ramen noodle diet is probably not going to be appropriate much longer. (I will always bleed crimson and cream! #proudalumni #boomersooner). I am thinking about starting some light yoga that won't put too much pressure on my arm. Believe it or not, I am actually thinking about voluntarily going back to physical therapy for my arm (I know I'm crazy, right?). I need to take Macy on more walks. She loves being outside and can't help it… I love every ounce of that puppy!
1. My value does not decrease based upon someones inability to see my worth…
2. If it doesn't encourage or support me, inspire or engage me, develop and challenge me… get rid of it. Being unhappy is part of life; staying that way is a choice…
3. "There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." C.S. Lewis
4. Dear God, if today I lose my hope please remind me that your PLANS are bigger than my dreams…
5. Until God opens the next door, praise HIM in the hallway…
Being Thankful
These are the five most important lessons that I need to learn for my life. My God is bigger than any problem I could possibly face or any part of my past that continues to hurt me. I have so many wonderful things to be thankful for. I have my family that I know would do anything for me; they have continually proved this over and over agin. I have a man in my life that is probably the sweetest thing God ever created; he continually treats me like a princess and I love him dearly. I have so many doctors that are trying to help me get well. I have new friends and old friends that help keep me going when I think I have nothing left to give. I have my sweet, sweet Macy and Butter that cuddle me even more when they know that I'm not feeling well.
Goals For July
1. Make and Stick to a Budget. bahahaha. Okay, so we all know that Sara has tried to do a budget before… FAILED MISERABLY. There was no hiding it. Old Navy deciding that I needed a new wardrobe. That generous police officer that decided I needed to pay the City of Tulsa $711. Macy's pet insurance (which I assure you is absolutely necessary seeing as her medical bills match mine most months) was due to renew. Chipotle's obvious schemes used to get me specifically to eat there twice a week. So, this time I will try to make a budget that is completely easy to attend to and follow it. Or at least try my hardest.
2. Follow my Agenda. I specifically bought a new agenda thinking that it would motivate me to write appointments in and have a way to follow it… Living my life relying on my cell phone calendar is probably not the most responsible thing I could be doing. I am 26 it is time to pull up my big girl panties and do what I need to do.
3. Change my Last Name. Okay so this is something that I have been thinking about for the past 15 years. For personal reasons I will not discuss why this needs to be done, but I promise it does. I am changing it to my Mommy's last name. I have the papers to start the process… I just need to start filling out that paperwork and take it down to the courthouse to file. (YAY!). Oh, and don't get me started on the whole "well you'll be getting married soon why change it"… I will hurt you.
4. Be more proactive in my team. I have some very serious mental health issues and my team is the group of people that is trying to help me. This includes an Intensive Outpatient Group, Therapist, Psychiatrist, Mikhail, my Mom, and Me. I am supposed to be the leader of my team. I am slowly learning that I am not my illness, but it has been a daily struggle to even get out of bed some days. Some days the issues I am dealing with are too difficult to face. I am trying. I am doing the best I can with what I have. I need to take my medicine, I need to show up to therapy, and I need to talk and listen more.
5. Make Better Choices for My Life. I graduated college almost 2 years ago… I'm sure the ramen noodle diet is probably not going to be appropriate much longer. (I will always bleed crimson and cream! #proudalumni #boomersooner). I am thinking about starting some light yoga that won't put too much pressure on my arm. Believe it or not, I am actually thinking about voluntarily going back to physical therapy for my arm (I know I'm crazy, right?). I need to take Macy on more walks. She loves being outside and can't help it… I love every ounce of that puppy!
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
Truths
His Embrace
I fail, daily.
I am not perfect in any fashion…honestly I often find myself running from perfection.
I am a sinner.
A dirty, thoughtless, selfish, lustful, greedy, rude, arrogant sinner.
I break promises.
I’ve bruised hearts with harsh words.
I fall into temptation over and over and OVER again.
I judge, even though i hate it.
I’m absolutely broken.
I’ve been a quitter.
I’ve put God last.
Thankfully…
His embrace is one that heals.
He reaches into the core of my being, the threads of my soul and says: This one is mine.
I am HIS.
Redeemed.
Rescued.
Restored.
The sins i struggle with…forgiven.
The fear that grips my spirit…broken.
The love i’ve abandoned…present.
His embrace is one that heals…
I fail, daily.
I am not perfect in any fashion…honestly I often find myself running from perfection.
I am a sinner.
A dirty, thoughtless, selfish, lustful, greedy, rude, arrogant sinner.
I break promises.
I’ve bruised hearts with harsh words.
I fall into temptation over and over and OVER again.
I judge, even though i hate it.
I’m absolutely broken.
I’ve been a quitter.
I’ve put God last.
Thankfully…
His embrace is one that heals.
He reaches into the core of my being, the threads of my soul and says: This one is mine.
I am HIS.
Redeemed.
Rescued.
Restored.
The sins i struggle with…forgiven.
The fear that grips my spirit…broken.
The love i’ve abandoned…present.
His embrace is one that heals…
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
The Rolling Stones
OH. MY. GOD.
Saturday Rick (Mikhail's Dad), Pam (Mikhail's Mom), Mikhail and I went to see The Rolling Stones! This was the chance of a lifetime! I am so lucky that I got to see this concert! Ed Sheeran opened, and I have to admit that I fan-girled a little too hard! He was wonderful! He sang "I'm a Mess", "Lego House", "Don't", "The A Team", and "Thinking Out Loud" just to name a few! I sang along to every word thinking there was no way seeing him could be topped. Boy was I wrong! Mikhail didn't hate him too much either! The Rolling Stones played all of their classics! They started out with "Start Me Up" and also played "Gimme Shelter" which quite possibly have been the best song of the evening! They kept building up and continued to blow my mind! I cannot believe I had the opportunity to see The Rolling Stones!!! I will never forget. I am angry at myself that I didn't take more pictures, but lets face it, I was a little distracted by the amazing Mick Jagger. The fraternity guys in front of us pregamed a little too hard. They were falling over each other pouring into their seats and I'm pretty sure that all 5 of them had 10 beers a piece. The guy directly in front of me was trying to dance (I emphasize trying here, because this was the worst dancing I have ever seen) and he fell into the lady in front of him and landed on top of her. He was escorted out of the concert. Also, the smell of pot was crazy. I don't believe in contact highs but holy crap did I have cotton mouth! Oh, I didn't get a sunburn so that was awesome! Kudos to Pam for bringing sunscreen! I had the time of my life. It was nice to get away from everything that has been going on at home... but I did text mom every hour I think. haha.
Mommy is doing wonderfully. Her stamina is building and building! She is able to walk 5 laps around Poppy's driveway at the house. I am seriously impressed with how great she is doing. We have to go weekly to get her blood levels checked to make sure she's not forming blood clots. Physical Therapy comes twice a week and is really helping! (I also know her PTA Michelle, she's pretty great) Home Health is coming once a week now to check on her vital signs and medication. Her appetite has improved! She is eating very healthy foods! I am so proud of her!
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
Half-aversary and Birthday!
Saturday was mine and Mikhail's six month anniversary. I cannot explain how amazing he truly is. He always puts me first and always has our best interest at heart. He has been there for me through everything and I am so grateful he is in my life. My birthday was Sunday. Mommy, Poppy, Ma, Mikhail and I spent the day together and just laughed and talked about everything! Mikhail got me a massage and a really cute charm bracelet! Oh, he is also going to be making all of us dinner tomorrow night! Pad Thai (my favorite) and caramel cheesecake! Yummy!
Mommy is doing better. She is still on oxygen and home health is here every day. She has physical therapy three times a week and occupational therapy twice a week. Along with all of that, she also has to get her blood drawn to make sure her blood thinner is in the right range. I am so glad that she is doing so well! She still isn't eating much, but the doctors at the hospital said that was normal and that her appetite should return in six to eight weeks! I am so proud of her and how far she has come!
Friday, May 29, 2015
Progress Not Perfection
Day 30:
Wow! I have seen a remarkable change in my mom today! She has gone on three walks, sat in the chair for 6 hours, and is down to 3-4 liters of oxygen! She has this determined look on her face that I haven't seen in a long time. I am so proud of her! She is getting better. Dr. Kempe said that she can go home tomorrow or Sunday! Wow, this 31 day hospital stay is enough for me! It will be the best birthday present I could ever receive! She is such an inspiration to me. She came to this huge hurdle in life and has overcome and is doing better than anyone thought she would be doing. She is going to be going to my Poppy's for a week or two before she comes home. I plan on being there as much as I can, but I need to clean the house! I got to pick up Mikhail's parents (Pam and Rick) up from the airport yesterday! They are such wonderful people and such great prayer warriors. While they were vacationing in Italy, the were texting me and praying for my mom! All in all today has been a great day! My mouth is a little sore from the root canal yesterday, but feels better now that they have lanced my abscess. The antibiotics they put me on are huge! They are almost as big as mom's potassium pills! My asthma has been acting up because of the weather, but I'm pretty sure everyones has been with the two weeks of rain and flooding we have here. I found my blanket in my trunk today! So I am a very happy girl! I love little surprises! Oh, I'm going to miss having an endless supply of the second best ice around... Sonics is still number one but Hillcrest has some pretty awesome ice too!
Wow! I have seen a remarkable change in my mom today! She has gone on three walks, sat in the chair for 6 hours, and is down to 3-4 liters of oxygen! She has this determined look on her face that I haven't seen in a long time. I am so proud of her! She is getting better. Dr. Kempe said that she can go home tomorrow or Sunday! Wow, this 31 day hospital stay is enough for me! It will be the best birthday present I could ever receive! She is such an inspiration to me. She came to this huge hurdle in life and has overcome and is doing better than anyone thought she would be doing. She is going to be going to my Poppy's for a week or two before she comes home. I plan on being there as much as I can, but I need to clean the house! I got to pick up Mikhail's parents (Pam and Rick) up from the airport yesterday! They are such wonderful people and such great prayer warriors. While they were vacationing in Italy, the were texting me and praying for my mom! All in all today has been a great day! My mouth is a little sore from the root canal yesterday, but feels better now that they have lanced my abscess. The antibiotics they put me on are huge! They are almost as big as mom's potassium pills! My asthma has been acting up because of the weather, but I'm pretty sure everyones has been with the two weeks of rain and flooding we have here. I found my blanket in my trunk today! So I am a very happy girl! I love little surprises! Oh, I'm going to miss having an endless supply of the second best ice around... Sonics is still number one but Hillcrest has some pretty awesome ice too!
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Grateful
Day 28:
Today as I was getting on the elevator I saw a woman crying. She proceeded to explain to me that her husband had just been taken off life support today and her son had a stroke yesterday. I can't stop thinking about her. I wish I had more words of wisdom to give, but all I could muster was I am so sorry and I will keep you in my prayers. I wanted to cry with her and tell her everything would be alright, but deep down I knew that was the last thing she wanted to hear... That is the last thing I wanted to hear and my mom is still alive! I wanted to validate her feelings because everything she was feeling was normal. I would be a complete basket-case if my husband had died and my son had a stroke all within a 24 hour period. I am so grateful that my mom is still here and she is getting better every day. They mentioned today her going to a physical therapy place and staying there until she gets her strength back, but we won't know for a few more days. She is still having a lot of trouble breathing and is feeling dizzy and nauseous most of the day. She has been so patient and is so ready to be out of the hospital! Heck, I am able to leave the hospital and I'm ready to be out of here! Dr. Kempe said probably a few more days. Aunt Joyce was able to postpone going back to work until tomorrow, so she has been here with us the whole time. I am so thankful for her. She has gone above and beyond the call of a best friend. She is a saint!
Today as I was getting on the elevator I saw a woman crying. She proceeded to explain to me that her husband had just been taken off life support today and her son had a stroke yesterday. I can't stop thinking about her. I wish I had more words of wisdom to give, but all I could muster was I am so sorry and I will keep you in my prayers. I wanted to cry with her and tell her everything would be alright, but deep down I knew that was the last thing she wanted to hear... That is the last thing I wanted to hear and my mom is still alive! I wanted to validate her feelings because everything she was feeling was normal. I would be a complete basket-case if my husband had died and my son had a stroke all within a 24 hour period. I am so grateful that my mom is still here and she is getting better every day. They mentioned today her going to a physical therapy place and staying there until she gets her strength back, but we won't know for a few more days. She is still having a lot of trouble breathing and is feeling dizzy and nauseous most of the day. She has been so patient and is so ready to be out of the hospital! Heck, I am able to leave the hospital and I'm ready to be out of here! Dr. Kempe said probably a few more days. Aunt Joyce was able to postpone going back to work until tomorrow, so she has been here with us the whole time. I am so thankful for her. She has gone above and beyond the call of a best friend. She is a saint!
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